
WASHINGTON, DC — The U.S. Grammar
Guild Monday announced that no more will traditional grammar
rules English follow. Instead there will a new form of
organizing sentences be.
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ENLARGE
IMAGE
Above: Announces to
reporters Joyce Watters grammar rules new English for.
U.S. Grammar Guild is Watters president of. |
U.S. Grammar Guild according to, the new
structure loosely on an obscure 800-year-old, pre-medieval
Anglo-Saxon syntax is based. The syntax primarily verbs, verb
clauses and adjectives at the end of sentences placing involves.
Results this often, to ears American, a sentence backward
appearing.
"Operating under we are, one major
rule," said Joyce Watters, president of the U.S. Grammar
Guild. "Make English, want we, more archaic and dignified
sounding to be, as if every word coming from the tongue of a
centuries-old, mystical wizard, is."
Brief pause Watters made then a.
"Know I, know I," said she. "Confusing sounds it,
but every American used to it soon will be."
At a press conference recent greeted
warmly the new measure by President Clinton was.
"No longer will we adhere to the
dull, predictable structure of our traditional grammar system.
This nation will now begin speaking, writing and listening to
something fresh, exciting and different," said Clinton.
"Excuse me," added he pause long
after a. "Meant I, the dull, predictable system our
traditional grammar of adhere to no longer will we. Speaking,
writing and listening to something fresh, exciting and different
will this nation now begin."
This week beginning, America across, all
dictionaries, thesauruses and any other books or objects with
any sort of writing upon it or in it revised to fit the new
syntax will be. Libraries assure people wish to that the
transition promptly begin will, but that patient people should
be, as so much to change there is.
"Feel good it will make people to
know for all these changes that, librarians cold, crabby and as
paranoid and overprotective of their books and periodicals as
ever remain will," said Yvonne Richter, Director of the
Library of Congress.
The enthusiasm of government officials
despite, many Americans about the new plan upset are. "Why
in the world did they do this?" a New Canaan, CT, insurance
salesman, said Brent Pryce. "There's absolutely no reason.
It's utterly pointless and will cause total chaos throughout the
country, not to mention the fact that it will cost billions of
dollars to implement. And what's this U.S. Grammar Guild,
anyway? I've never heard of it."
When of this complaint informed,
government officials that they could not the man's words
understand said, because of the strange, unintelligible way of
speaking he was.
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