

AL JIZAH, EGYPT — A team
of British and Egyptian archaeologists made a stunning discovery
Monday, unearthing several intact specimens of "skeleton
people"—skinless, organless humans who populated the Nile
delta region an estimated 6,000 years ago.
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ENLARGE
IMAGE
Above: An
archaeologist examines the intact remains of a spooky
"skeleton person."
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"This is an incredible
find," said Dr. Christian Hutchins, Oxford University
archaeologist and head of the dig team. "Imagine: At one
time, this entire area was filled with spooky, bony, walking
skeletons."
"The implications are
staggering," Hutchins continued. "We now know that the
skeletons we see in horror films and on Halloween are not mere
products of the imagination, but actually lived on Earth."
Standing at the excavation site,
a 20-by-20-foot square pit along the Nile River, Hutchins noted
key elements of the find. "The skeletons lived in this
mud-brick structure, which, based on what we know of these
people, was probably haunted," he said. "Although we
found crude cooking utensils in the area, as well as evidence of
crafts like pottery and weaving, we are inclined to believe that
the skeletons' chief activity was jumping out at nearby humans
and scaring them. And though we know little of their language
and means of communication, it is likely that they said 'boogedy-boogedy'
a lot."
Approximately 200 yards west of
the excavation site, the archaeologists also found evidence of
farming.
"What's puzzling about
this," Cambridge University archaeologist Sir Ian
Edmund-White said, "is that skeletons would not benefit
from harvested crops, as any food taken orally would immediately
fall through the hole behind the jaw and down through the rib
cage, eventually hitting the ground. Our best guess is that they
scared away a group of human farmers, then remained behind to
haunt the dwelling. Or perhaps they bartered goods in a nearby
city to acquire skeleton accessories, such as chains, coffins
and tattered, dirty clothing."
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ENLARGE
IMAGE
Above: An
artist's rendering of what a warrior-skeleton may have
looked like.
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Continued Edmund-White: "The
hole in that theory, however, is that a 1997 excavation of this
area which yielded extensive records of local clans and
merchants made no mention of even one animated mass of bones
coming to town for the purpose of trade. But we are taking great
pains to recover as much of the site as possible, while also
being extremely careful not to fall victim to some kind of
spooky skeleton curse."
As for what led to the extinction
of the skeletons, Edmund-White offered a theory.
"Perhaps an Egyptian priest
or king broke the curse of the skeletons, either by defeating
the head skeleton in combat or by discovering the magic words
needed to send their spirits back to Hell," Edmund-White
said. "In any case, there is strong evidence that the Power
of Greyskull played a significant role in the defeat of the
skeleton people."
According to Hutchins, the
skeletons bear numerous similarities to humans, leading him to
suspect that there may be an evolutionary link between the two
species.
"Like humans, these
creatures walked upright on two legs and possessed highly
developed opposable thumbs," Edmund-White said. "These
and many other similarities lend credence to the theory that
hundreds of thousands of years ago, human development passed
through a skeletal stage. These skeletons may, in fact, be
ancestors of us all."
"Any of us could be part
skeleton," he added.
Other experts disagreed.
"The evidence of an
evolutionary link between humans and skeletons is sparse at
best," said Dr. Terrance Schneider of the University of
Chicago. "Furthermore, it is downright unscientific to
theorize that skeleton life originated in Egypt merely because
mummies, another species of monster, are indigenous to the area.
Spooky creatures are found all over the world, from the vampires
of Transylvania to the headless horsemen of Sleepy Hollow."
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