| The
Post-Wedding Guest Satisfaction Survey |
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| We
would like your opinions about our wedding!
Please help us to improve the overall quality of our guests'
experiences by completing this anonymous
survey. We want to ensure that our daughter's
[or son's] wedding fully met
your expectations and needs, because we won't be fully satisfied until
you are! Results from this
survey will be compiled to
be used in the event of our daughter's [son's]
untimely and unfortunate
divorce, where we would like to incorporate your suggestions to help us
improve the quality of her
[his] next remarriage ceremony
and festivities. |
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| Which
statement best describes what you thought of just the wedding ceremony
itself? |
| ___ |
It was the most
earth-shattering, thrilling, exotic, exciting, romantic ceremony I've
ever seen. I was
faint with ecstasy! |
| ___ |
It was average.
I yawned often and kept looking at my watch wondering when it
would be over. |
| ___ |
I hated it.
It was horribly deplorable, mundane, and jejune.
I won't admit to anyone that I was even there.
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| ___ |
I fell asleep, passed-out, or
blacked-out, so I don't really remember much of it. |
| ___ |
It was a catastrophe. I'm in
long-term intensive therapy now.
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| ___ |
Other:
____________________________________ |
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| What
was the best feature of our wedding?
Rank the following in order of how much you liked them, with #1
being the best feature or attribute and #19 being the worst.
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| __ |
Organ music/hymns/chanting |
__ |
Dancing / Freak-dancing |
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__ |
Free hard liquor |
| __ |
Exciting "Pin the Tail on the Bride's Tail" contest |
__ |
Minister's sassy outfit |
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__ |
Bride's dress or garter |
| __ |
Surprise visit by trivial psychic |
__ |
Open mockery or flogging of single guests |
|
__ |
Jimmy Carter's garter |
| __ |
Fake suitcase bomb |
__ |
Medley of Jelly Bears™ at reception |
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__ |
Cascading "blood red" waterfall on wedding cake |
| __ |
Best man's incoherent toast |
__ |
Self-destructing candles |
 |
__ |
Disco |
| __ |
Handy
"How-to-keep-your-new-marriage-from-catastrophically-collapsing"
tips |
__ |
Guy in the gorilla suit |
| __ |
Bride's look of horror when uncle Bob showed up drunk
with a half-naked prostitute |
__ |
Fire motif |
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| How
could our wedding ceremony have been improved? Check
all that apply.
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| __ |
Religious
readings from Talmud |
 |
__ |
Sing
more pop hits & sappy ballads from '70's/'80's/90's. |
| __ |
Replace
soloist with Tony Bennett |
__ |
Have
guests tell embarrassing stories about Bride & Groom. |
| __ |
Bigger
candles; more fire |
|
__ |
Guest
appearances by supermodel(s) or sports superstar(s) |
| __ |
No
spontaneous chanting |
 |
__ |
Incorporate
ancient Druid ceremonial virgin sacrifices |
| __ |
Require
"special guests" to attend naked |
__ |
Install
self-luminous dance floor |
| __ |
Group
therapy |
__ |
Invite
Marilyn Manson to sing National Anthem |
| __ |
Somehow
incorporate roller coasters |
 |
__ |
Invite
Diana Ross to sing National Anthem |
| __ |
Add
a political fundraiser |
 |
__ |
Invite
Uncle Bob to sing National Anthem |
| __ |
Slideshow
of Bride & Groom naked baby photos |
__ |
Include
more passionate, yet socially appropriate,
kissing/necking |
| __ |
No
speech by Jimmy Carter |
__ |
Fake
robbery of guests by terrorist for Candid Camera™
special |
| __ |
Insist
all guests wear clothes (especially Aunt Frieda) |
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__ |
Add
verbal diatribes against "reigning aristocracy" in
Wash., D.C. |
| __ |
Less
cancer |
|
__ |
Other:
_________________________ |
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| How
would you rate the overall quality of the delicious food you
enjoyed at our wedding reception? Circle one. |
| (5
= worst; 1 = best) |
| 5
-------- |
-------- |
----
4 --- |
-------- |
----
3 --- |
-------- |
----
2 --- |
-------- |
----
1 --- |
-------- |
------- 0 |
| Disturbing |
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Queasy |
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Tolerable |
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Fashionable |
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Innovative
/ Sassy |
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There
was food? Huh? |
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| Check
the statement below which most closely represents how you felt about our
wedding reception's food service and quality. How
well did our food meet your needs and satisfy you? |
| ___ |
I
was fully satisfied. It far exceeded my
wildest expectations and needs. The guy in the gorilla
suit was positively enchanting. |
 |
| ___ |
I
was mostly satisfied. While there were some areas that
I think could be improved, it was tolerable. |
| ___ |
I was disappointed. You could
have done much better.
There were many areas of possible improvements. |
| ___ |
Your planning and execution really
sucked. I would have enjoyed being tortured in a Chinese prison more. |
| ___ |
It was horrible & shocking. I
found insects and/or vermin in my food.
I now live in a fractured reality, and it's all your
fault. |
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| ___ |
Other:
____________________________________________________ |
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| Which
music genres do you enjoy hearing at a wedding reception? Check
all that apply. |
| __ |
Sychronized
Disco Dancing |
__ |
'60's |
__ |
Country
/ Western |
<photos> |
__ |
Michael
Jackson |
| __ |
More
disco |
__ |
'80's |
__ |
Hawaiian |
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__ |
Sex
Pistols |
| __ |
Less
disco |
__ |
1880's |
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Elvis |
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Classical |
| __ |
Renaissance |
__ |
Canadian |
__ |
Elvira |
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Breakdancing |
| __ |
Aboriginal
/ Native |
__ |
Manilow |
__ |
Sinatra |
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Monk
chanting |
| __ |
No
genres - prefer silence |
__ |
Hymns |
__ |
National
anthems |
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__ |
Opera |
| __ |
Slam-funk-
freakdancing |
__ |
Obscure
Mayan hits |
__ |
Uncle
Bob's Electric Slide |
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__ |
Oprah |
| __ |
Heavy
metal / thrasher |
__ |
African
tribal classics |
__ |
Islamic
spirituals |
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__ |
All
music is evil |
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| Which
elements do you think were inappropriate or unnecessary
for your overall enjoyment of our wedding ceremony &
reception? Check all that apply. |
| __ |
Beryllium |
__ |
Depleted
uranium |
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__ |
Cadmium |
| __ |
Chanting |
__ |
Sadomasochism |
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__ |
Light
snacks |
| __ |
Exorcism |
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Portrait
of Saddam Hussein in lobby |
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Snackwells™
crackers |
| __ |
Drunk
pianist |
__ |
Minister's
references to the Apocalypse |
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__ |
Heavy
snacks |
| __ |
Hard
liquor |
__ |
Inadvertent
touching & other "HR violations" |
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__ |
Heavy
petting |
| __ |
All
food |
__ |
Spraying
whipped cream on Uncle Bob |
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Infomercials™ |
| __ |
All
guests |
__ |
Public
humiliation of guests |
|
__ |
Illegal
arms transactions |
| __ |
"The
Forbidden Dance" |
__ |
Requiring
lavish gifts from guests |
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__ |
Free
psychic readings |
| __ |
Other:
___________ |
__ |
Vestal
virgins |
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Vestal
non-virgins |
| __ |
Silly
pâté™ |
__ |
Islamic
extremists |
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__ |
Catholic
extremists |
| __ |
Shameless
product endorsements1 to help fund honeymoon. |
| __ |
Collection
bucket at reception for "Osama bin Laden Relief Fund" |
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| Which,
if any, of the following elements might have improved your
wedding reception experience, had they been included. Check
all that apply. |
| __ |
Motorcycle
stunts |
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__ |
Elvis
impersonator(s) |
__ |
A
spooky vampire or zombie |
| __ |
More
disco |
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Wayne
Newton |
__ |
Exotic
animal performances(s) |
| __ |
A
funky clown goin' to Funky Town |
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Routine
book burning |
__ |
A
stand-up comedian(ienne) |
| __ |
A
freakish clown |
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Casino
gambling |
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Edgar
Allen Poe poem reading |
| __ |
A
very funky freakish clown |
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"Stupid
Human Tricks" |
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Brief
history of the world lecture |
| __ |
A
prestidigitator |
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Tennis
match |
__ |
Bride
& groom mud wrestling |
| __ |
A
juggler |
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Creative
beach theming |
__ |
Hallucinogenic
drugs |
| __ |
Knife,
snake, or child juggling |
|
__ |
Disturbing
gothic theming |
__ |
Other
drugs:________ |
| __ |
A
girl in a gorilla suit |
 |
__ |
Belly
dancers |
__ |
Handy
home-improvement tips |
| __ |
An
open casket (but with no body) |
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A
costume party |
__ |
Slideshow
of Nazi atrocities |
| __ |
Hard
liquor |
|
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Captivating
political commentary on cutting-edge issues |
__ |
"Family
Feud" game show |
| __ |
Kermit
the Frog singing "Rainbow Connection" |
 |
__ |
Grinder
girls |
__ |
Biker/"free-radical"/1960's
"free-love" theming |
| __ |
How-to-keep-your-new-marriage-from-collapsing
tips |
__ |
All-you-can-eat
Viking food buffet |
| __ |
Collection
box to help fund exotic honeymoon in Tahiti |
__ |
More
fire/candles/fire-eating |
| __ |
Other:
________________________________ |
__ |
More
gettin' the groove on with the "Electric Slide" |
| __ |
A
brief speech by a high-ranking government official on the
importance of vigilance and personal security in our dangerous
post 9-11 world |
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| Overall,
when you reflect upon our wedding, how did it make you feel?
Check all that apply. |
| __ |
Angry |
__ |
Aroused
/ hot / "on" |
__ |
Worried |
__ |
Suicidal |
| __ |
Bitter |
__ |
Excited |
__ |
Concerned |
__ |
Homicidal |
| __ |
Frustrated |
__ |
Not-so-excited
/ "off" |
__ |
Nervous |
__ |
Genocidal |
| __ |
Lonely |
__ |
Happy |
__ |
Deeply
troubled |
__ |
Matricidal |
| __ |
Sad |
__ |
Upset
stomach |
__ |
Anxious |
__ |
Patricidal |
| __ |
Squeamish |
__ |
Sassy |
__ |
Fearful |
__ |
Ooogey |
| __ |
Numb |
__ |
Vibrant
/ alive |
__ |
Horrified
/ terrified |
__ |
Emotionally
traumatized/ brutalized/ raped |
| __ |
Squishy |
__ |
Ecstatic |
__ |
Scandalized |
__ |
Wounded/
scarred |
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| Which
of the following creative ways to raise funds for the bride and groom's
honeymoon would you endorse? Check all that apply. |
| __ |
Sales
of certain "happy drugs" |
__ |
Raffle
or yardsale |
|
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Selling
the bride or groom |
| __ |
Auctioning
guests' vehicles |
__ |
Website
accepting "e-donations" |
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Hot
Dog, Corndog, Lemonade, & Liquor Stand |
| __ |
Canadian
child trafficking |
__ |
1-900
phone sex donation line ($8.99/min.) |
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High-risk
stock trading |
| __ |
Financing
via loan sharks |
__ |
Sell
elixirs |
 |
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A
Broadway show performance |
| __ |
Certain
"special favors" for cash |
__ |
Mob/
mafia/ terrorist monies |
 |
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Selling
crap on E-bay™ |
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Your responses will be
tallied by an independent non-Al-Qaeda affiliated organization operating
out of a sweathouse in an undisclosed location in Indonesia.
We are not responsible in the event you or your household become
targets of inadvertent terrorist acts or FBI investigations. |
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| 1
Pepsi® is both the Choice of a New Generation™, and the
preferred official soft drink beverage of the bride and groom! |
visitors have accessed this page since 10/16/2003.